He runs through walls and Says, “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” What a worthless putz.
I will, however, give him credit for diversifying. First we have Juggie from the Comics:
But before I continue with “Cinema Juggernaut”, allow me to interject with a brief shout out to Juggie’s dearly departed young friend Sammy Pare, also known as Sammy the Squid Boy, also known as possibly the most annoying character in the history of the X-Men. Sammy’s passing is, in my mind, the only time in recent memory that that death of a fictional child was universally celebrated by readers. I personally didn’t mind him all that much. He probably would have been a real help to my high school swim team, if my high school could have afforded a pool, or bathing suits, for that matter. Or if Sammy were both real and not annoying.
And now here’s Juggie from the movies, as played by the ever-surly Vinnie Jones in “X-Men 3: How to Ruin a Potential Cinematic Hat Trick”, as directed by Brett Ratner”. I’m sure that someday he’ll finally get the coveted role of “sensitive guy”. I think he’s earned it after wearing this outfit and for allowing himself to be filmed in it.
Aaaaaaand finally, what no one has actually been waiting for…an actual juggernaut!
Which one’s yer favorite? I think I’ll stick with the original.
My Mom is awesome! How do I know this for sure? She bought this for me.
As a child, there were maybe three things that brought me true, unadulterated joy:
1. Danger Mouse’s sidekick Penfold (pictured above), saying “oh, crumbs!” during moments of distress. 2. The Atari game “Barnstorming”. While the YouTube clip below shows the proper way for the game to played, I would literally piss myself with laughter for hours as I repeatedly flew my plane into both barn and windmill. I am not exaggerating about this. Here’s my brother to corroborate my story:
“This is his brother. Seriously. He went nuts over that game. I bet he still would if you could plug one of those things into a TV.”
3. And as long as I continue to go firmly off the range of my original mission statement, I might as well toss this in for good measure: Lego. I loved it then and I love it now, and I have to tell you that on a recent sojourn to Midtown Comics, I found myself purchasing a copy of “Brick Journal”, the magazine for Lego enthusiasts. I found myself equally entertained and drawn to the thing. I was also deeply enlightened, having learned about the AFFOL, also known as the “Adult Female Fan of Lego”.
And I thought that the world had run out of absurd acronyms.
[Update] Upon lovingly reading this entry dedicated to her, my mom reminded me of a fourth item that still brings me great happiness, after more than 20 years: my teddy bear, Snuffles.
S & M Batman: With his “Boy Wonder” sidekick, We all should have known.
(From what I’ve read, Wonder Woman was the original superhero with a naughty subtext, but I’m starting to think that maybe Fredric Wertham was onto something here. I mean, I’ve been reading comic books since early pubescence, and I’m all kindsa complicated…)
I’ll break the haiku rule on this one, since I believe that the utterly hilarious brilliance of this photoshopped image from an early issue of the new run of Green Lantern completely speaks for itself.
5 months ago
“Stan the Man” voicemail: You didn’t get one, did you? Yeah, that’s what I thought…
As I checked a voicemail left by an “unavailable” number today, I worried first that it would be the IRS, only to discover a pre-recorded message left by none other than Stan Lee, promoting the New York Comic Con, starting in just two short days! Look, I may no longer be a Marvel Zombie, but I’m still a True Believer. Nuff’ said!
Oh yeah, and um…Excelsior!
(Or maybe he was calling to sue me or something. I hear he does that quite a bit.)
Countdown to what, now? A year of wasted comics? Grant: PLEASE fix this mess!
Here’s a Countdown for you: $2.99 x 52 = I should have known better after week Jimmy Olsen got powers again. Or after Mary Marvel turned evil…again. Or after week 51. And of course I’m still gonna buy the rest of the series. That’s how dumb I am.
Below: an image from Countdown #24 or a visual representation of my finances imploding as a result of stupid, regretful, and completely unnecessary comic purchases? You be the judge. At least I didn’t buy any of the tie-ins. Did someone actually go and turn Plastic Man evil, too? I don’t think I can handle that.
