Comix Haiku

Final Crisis #7

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:44:15 -0500

It didn’t make sense.

It doesn’t really matter.

It was still awesome.

After several years of crapping on comics opportunities,...

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:52:00 -0500

After several years of crapping on comics opportunities, I’ll give you this much, Kevin Smith:

Your new Batman run?

Best Jewish comics reference

in our history.

X-Men Haiku #6

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 17:56:00 -0400

He runs through walls and
Says, “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”
What a worthless putz.

I will, however, give him credit for diversifying. First we have Juggie from the Comics:

But before I continue with “Cinema Juggernaut”, allow me to interject with a brief shout out to Juggie’s dearly departed young friend Sammy Pare, also known as Sammy the Squid Boy, also known as possibly the most annoying character in the history of the X-Men. Sammy’s passing is, in my mind, the only time in recent memory that that death of a fictional child was universally celebrated by readers. I personally didn’t mind him all that much. He probably would have been a real help to my high school swim team, if my high school could have afforded a pool, or bathing suits, for that matter. Or if Sammy were both real and not annoying.

And now here’s Juggie from the movies, as played by the ever-surly Vinnie Jones in “X-Men 3: How to Ruin a Potential Cinematic Hat Trick”, as directed by Brett Ratner”. I’m sure that someday he’ll finally get the coveted role of “sensitive guy”. I think he’s earned it after wearing this outfit and for allowing himself to be filmed in it.

Aaaaaaand finally, what no one has actually been waiting for…an actual juggernaut!

Which one’s yer favorite? I think I’ll stick with the original.

This Goes Out to All My Baby Mamas

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:55:00 -0400

My Mom is awesome!
How do I know this for sure?
She bought this for me.

As a child, there were maybe three things that brought me true, unadulterated joy:

1. Danger Mouse’s sidekick Penfold (pictured above), saying “oh, crumbs!” during moments of distress.
2. The Atari game “Barnstorming”. While the YouTube clip below shows the proper way for the game to played, I would literally piss myself with laughter for hours as I repeatedly flew my plane into both barn and windmill. I am not exaggerating about this. Here’s my brother to corroborate my story:

“This is his brother. Seriously. He went nuts over that game. I bet he still would if you could plug one of those things into a TV.”

3. And as long as I continue to go firmly off the range of my original mission statement, I might as well toss this in for good measure: Lego. I loved it then and I love it now, and I have to tell you that on a recent sojourn to Midtown Comics, I found myself purchasing a copy of “Brick Journal”, the magazine for Lego enthusiasts. I found myself equally entertained and drawn to the thing. I was also deeply enlightened, having learned about the AFFOL, also known as the “Adult Female Fan of Lego”.

And I thought that the world had run out of absurd acronyms.

[Update] Upon lovingly reading this entry dedicated to her, my mom reminded me of a fourth item that still brings me great happiness, after more than 20 years: my teddy bear, Snuffles.

Thanks, Mom. I loves ya.

S & M Batman:With his “Boy Wonder” sidekick, We all should...

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:56:36 -0400

S & M Batman:
With his “Boy Wonder” sidekick,
We all should have known.

(From what I’ve read, Wonder Woman was the original superhero with a naughty subtext, but I’m starting to think that maybe Fredric Wertham was onto something here. I mean, I’ve been reading comic books since early pubescence, and I’m all kindsa complicated…)

I’ll break the haiku rule on this one, since I believe...

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:02:53 -0400

I’ll break the haiku rule on this one, since I believe that the utterly hilarious brilliance of this photoshopped image from an early issue of the new run of Green Lantern completely speaks for itself.

Did I Realize This Too Late in the Game?

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:47:37 -0400

I’ve started a blog,
Writing comics-based haiku.
I’m not very cool…

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:51:00 -0400

“Stan the Man” voicemail:
You didn’t get one, did you?
Yeah, that’s what I thought…

As I checked a voicemail left by an “unavailable” number today, I worried first that it would be the IRS, only to discover a pre-recorded message left by none other than Stan Lee, promoting the New York Comic Con, starting in just two short days! Look, I may no longer be a Marvel Zombie, but I’m still a True Believer. Nuff’ said!

Oh yeah, and um…Excelsior!

(Or maybe he was calling to sue me or something. I hear he does that quite a bit.)

Countdown to Something Worthwhile...

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:40:00 -0400

New York Comic Con:
In just five short little days,
I spend tax refund.

It's a Mystery, but a Good One

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 13:08:00 -0400

Explain this to me:
Booster Gold is awesome now?
Huzzah to Geoff Johns!

(Yeah, I know I haven’t been posting every day, but I have like 3 jobs, and it’s not like I have a following or anything, do I?)

Holiday Haiku!

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:03:53 -0400

Passover’s coming!
And “The Lone and Level Sands”
Is my Haggadah.

X-Men Haiku #5

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:32:43 -0400

Angel’s so pretty;
Graceful, soaring through the sky,
With his stupid wings.

Tax Season Haiku

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:28:43 -0400

Come April 15th,
A hefty refund just means
MORE COMICS FOR ME!

A Comics Podcast Haiku for Saturday

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:00:14 -0400

I may like ladies,
But my fav-o-rite podcast
Is Comic Book Queers.

So Secret Invasion is AMAZING. But then there's:

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 08:12:00 -0400

Countdown to what, now?
A year of wasted comics?
Grant: PLEASE fix this mess!

Here’s a Countdown for you: $2.99 x 52 = I should have known better after week Jimmy Olsen got powers again. Or after Mary Marvel turned evil…again. Or after week 51. And of course I’m still gonna buy the rest of the series. That’s how dumb I am.

Below: an image from Countdown #24 or a visual representation of my finances imploding as a result of stupid, regretful, and completely unnecessary comic purchases? You be the judge. At least I didn’t buy any of the tie-ins. Did someone actually go and turn Plastic Man evil, too? I don’t think I can handle that.

X-Men Haiku #4

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:18:00 -0400

Oh my God, she’s dead!
And now she’s alive again.
Actually? She’s dead.

(sounds pretty damn skrully to me…)

It Begins...

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:19:21 -0400

Those evil ass Skrulls
Infiltrated everything.
SECRET INVASION!

(Note to Reed Richards: this is what happens when you turn people into cows.)

My favorite dance With a superhero flair Is the...

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:43:53 -0400

My favorite dance

With a superhero flair

Is the Batusi!

Assorted Batusi Resources:

X-Men Haiku #3

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 01:33:00 -0400

African goddess:
Storm controls the elements,
And barely wears clothes.

(…and is probably a damn, dirty Skrull now anyways.)

X-Men Haiku #2

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:47:00 -0400

Cyclops

Uptight leader man
Shooting beams from his red eyes
Cyclops is was a douche (until Joss Whedon started writing him, that is)

But that guy who played him in the movies is like totally dreamy, right?